This week’s copywriting question #003 comes from Anonymous.
Question:
My husband often guilt-trips me for not bringing in enough income from my copywriting business to contribute to our household budget. He’ll have a passive aggressive or critical tone of voice demanding why I haven’t booked any new clients yet. I feel like this is negatively impacting my energy — which doesn’t help me find clients.
How can I get my husband to be more supportive? Obviously, I WANT to make more money as a copywriter — this has been a long-time dream of mine — but the way he talks to me about it makes me feel so unsupported and stressed out.
Michelle’s Answer:
This is not often talked about, but your success as a copywriter is 100% impacted by your relationship with your spouse, partner, or significant other.
There are a few things going on here, in your case. First off:
You need to set a healthy boundary with your husband. Communicate to him that it is NOT okay to guilt-trip you. You need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart, vulnerable conversation in which you share how his communication is making you feel, and what you want from him going forward.
Secondly, recognize that some part of you has been energetically inviting in the experience of being “guilt-tripped.”
Ask yourself, “Why was I inviting this into my experience? What was the hidden benefit I got from being guilt-tripped?”
Nobody ever guilt-trips me — because I don’t allow that experience to exist in my world. If someone tried it on me, I wouldn’t tolerate it even for a second. Nobody has that power to guilt-trip me about anything. I either want to do something, or I don’t. If someone has a problem with my decision or action, that’s their problem.
This is about taking responsibility for the feelings and experiences you’re choosing to have. If you don’t like a particular experience, you can and should change it.
The other part is proactively improving your communication with your husband and working on your relationship. You may need marriage counseling.
When Dan and I were having issues in our relationship, we found an amazing couples therapist who specialized in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I recommend finding an EFT counselor in your area and also reading the book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson, who developed the EFT counseling method.
Decide what kind of experience you would rather have with your husband — and intentionally create that with him. What kind of communication would you like to have with him? Share that with him. Ask for it. Be clear and specific in your asking. (Notice I did not say “demand.” I said, “Ask.”) What, specifically, do you want from your husband?
Use healthy communication tactics to build a deeper bond with your husband. For example:
“Babe, I know our budget is stressing you out.” (Validate his feelings.) “However, I also need you to stop guilt-tripping me about it. (Set a boundary.) I feel very unsupported and sad whenever you say things like X, Y, or Z. (Share your feelings.) I’m trying really hard to make this copywriting business work, and instead of guilt-tripping me, I want you to encourage me and be supportive. I want you to celebrate with me whenever I land a new client or a project, or even book a call with someone. (Ask for what you need/want.) You being supportive will help me reach these financial goals faster. (Enroll him on why you want this.)“
Of course, tailor this to your own relationship and communication style.
If he’s not willing to change his communication or behavior to be more supportive, then you may need marriage counseling, because there’s a deeper issue going on.
Actionable Tip:
Find ways that you and your spouse or significant other can support each other in your own individual goals. Validate each other and celebrate your wins together as a couple. Try out the communication formula above (validate your spouse’s feelings, set a boundary, share YOUR feelings, ask for what you want, and enroll your spouse on your vision) — and see what kinds of results you get.
Michelle Lopez Boggs is a copywriter, copywriting mentor, and author of "The Anti-Marketing Manifesto: How to Sell Without Being a Sellout." She's helped her clients sell millions of dollars' worth of products and services online by using the MEI(S) principle — motivate, educate, and inspire, and sell. 